And the way I see it, if I am already stuck indoors making a 30 minute Wii active workout my replacement for a decent run, then I may as well add a challenge to my day.

Thanks, Rachie… always inspiring.

Rachie and I

If we were to apply Saussure’s theory of language into that of running, we might discover the meaning of motivation and furthermore establish a basic understanding of where it originates from. (At the same time, keeping in mind Saussure’s argument on conformity to reality, this association of motivation is mine, so some might disregard this as imagined.) Finally, motivation will bring us back to the root of why I run.

As it applied several weeks ago, motivation had no meaning to my running. It was another word applied, but largely disconnected, to the mindless struggle of placing one foot in front of another at a rate which would redefine “run” to mean nothing. My actions of running held no regard for that which it should have meant to me; I could hardly understand running, as I was dislocated from what it meant in San Diego.

But to define my recent spark of motivation, scholars would argue that I simply acquired the linguistic understanding of motivation. In other words, I connected the sign, motivation, with its signifier, a conceptual understanding of my potential, with the signified, the sound-image of my motivation; “Yeah,” by Usher.

Motivation, as a concept, requires an understanding of one’s potential. The existence of a threshold in which to constantly strive for offers the concept of motivation to meet that threshold. Motivation, therefore, is a conscious effort to defy that runner’s potential, either meeting or surpassing it. In doing this, the signifier of working to that potential requires with it a signified sound-image in order for Motivation to exist as a sign.

Upon the initial beats of “Yeah,” the sound-image becomes a part of the concept of relating the conscious effort to defy my threshold of running with the now defined sign, running. Therefore, with Usher and motivation “run” becomes understood linguistically, allowing me to do that which I apparently hadn’t been able to do before- run.

Motivation is a runner’s best friend, and also worst enemy. When motivation is high, running is phenomenal. When motivation is low, there is nothing but time it seems until that motivation returns. It would seem obvious at this point (being as my last blog post in June was a missed marathon race) that my motivation has been on the down and outs in the last couple of months. When I moved to Omaha for graduate school, I was excited for a change, but not in my running. I am slowly realizing that I had taken San Diego for granted and the complaints about city running, the asphault, the hills are all very much missed as I struggle to do 30 minute runs.

Some of this lack of motivation I attribute to the fact that Omaha doesn’t know me as the runner (yes, those countless runner jokes and nicknames at eVisibility are highly missed). To most people I meet out here, I am the quiet English student, the California girl, or the distant cousin however many times removed. If no one expects me to run, of no one expects me to be the motivator, then doggone it, I ain’t gonna run. And at times, I do that. Instead of going one or two days without running before going crazy, I struggle to run every 3 or 4 days.

Until this week; and this is my challenge more than my motivation. I have designed a calendar upon which I have color-coded my runs. Any run lower than a certain time or number of miles will be colored red; anything over a certain goal will be green, and something in between will be orange. Thus, taking advantage of the last days of Fall, I will bring those colors to my running calendar.

*As my motivation increases, I hope also that my blog posts do as well. There is so much to write about in my experience in Omaha; it’s a shame for anyone to miss it (especially myself).

The bike ride was smooth. I only stopped for tire paranoia one time. The other many stops I had to take were to text back and forth between co workers and boyfriends trying to figure out a way to get a co worker a ride. Texting my co worker that I might be late for the run, he texts back that his car broke down and he won’t make it. So begins the back and forth calling and texting trying to set him up with a ride, meanwhile trying to get a hold of another co worker that will be riding in to work with me. Needless to say, it was a stop and go ride. All this after a night in LA, and only a couple hours of sleep; boy what a morning. My biggest fear of the morning was getting to work in one piece. Now that I am here, I can worry about the conversations that might have taken place between boyfriend and co worker.

That being said, my slight cockiness has driven me to sign up for the following races:

Run Through the Vineyards- May 9, 2009 Temecula, CA

San Diego Rock and Roll (Relay)- May 31, 2009 San Diego, CA

Camp Pendleton Mud Run- June 6, 2009 Oceanside, CA

Updates on performance will follow. It’s nice to know that I am running comparable times to my high school and college days, all with a few more pounds and a full-time job to add to it. But then again, damn it, Erin, what were you doing in college? Breaking out of my schnide (pronounce sh-nied) up to this point I imagine.

Ryan Hall, my former love (current eye candy), is holding up well. He held the lead for a good portion of the race, and though the lead pack got ahead, he was within eye shot of the leader, and gaining ground. He’s always been an amazing runner, ever since the days in High School when he sweat on me when breaking 9 minutes in the two mile.

As they passed Fenway Park and headed for the finish, the women took it down to the very last step. Passing Kara Goucher, Dire Tune and Salina Kosgei took turns passing one another until Salina gave one last push to win by a step. Dire Tune fell to the ground, hopefully she is doing well, and Kara Goucher finished in tears, and rightfully so. She held her ground for most of the race. For the men, it was decided about miles from the finish. Deriba Merga took the win in 2:08, with Ryan Hall within a minute from him finishing in 2:09. What a great race.

A little closer to home, my good friend and former USD teammate, Jessica Karlsson, finished the race in 3:27:47. She ran a sub-8 minute pace (7:56)! Her Husband, Andreas ran a 2:55:15, at a 6:41 pace! Great job guys!  What a day!

This last week hasn’t been my proudest as far as building miles up. Battling with a knee possibly injury, I have opted to swim all week in order to save a useless trip to the doctor who will inevitably tell me to rest my knee and try swimming.

Because I am not running, it seems natural that my motivation would take it pretty hard. That was, until I came across this blog: Run Lindsay, Run. This is a blog about a girl who admits to being a couch potato and is determined to run an 18 mile race in October. It’s the triumphs in others that make me proud to be the runner I am. As far as not running, I’ll just have to wait it out and keep swimming.

Follow Lindsay’s blog and help her to succeed in the race.

I am also proud to report that I have taken up coaching in the smallest degree, helping my roommates train for the upcoming Mud Run this June. I haven’t been as stringent on the 6am wake up calls as of yet, but that is soon to start once I can get myself out of bed.

As for now, I am possibly going to run a half marathon this Sunday and a 5k in April. I suppose spontaneity is my goal as far as races this year; save for the Seattle Marathon I am already signed up for in late June.

Finally, as a quick update, I am looking to head to graduate school this fall, and most likely in a location that doesn’t have the same winters as San Diego. Therefore, I am looking for any type of advice on how to dress, how to stay motivated, and how to survive in winter weather while still keeping up with my intense running schedule. Which brings me to this post at Team Cross Runs. This post discusses how to survive a run in -21 degree weather…

… Sounds brutal.

Do your part! Watch these videos.

1. Injury*- I have mentally battled this as well as physically. And it has been such a battle on me that I’ve started and deleted many blog posts because it is almost too discouraging. But now I come clean… I am constantly running on pavement (thanks to a full-time job that lies in the center of many business districts and an hour long lunch in which I squeeze in my daily runs). With that, in addition to the many hills throughout the city, it seems inevitable that my shins will act up here and there. However, and many long-time runners will agree on me with this, at what point do you attribute your lack of motivation in running to shin splints. This is not to say that shin splints are not a serious threat or that they should be ignored. In my running days, I have come across shin splints like lame pick up lines. You give them one cold treatment and they get the message and disappear. Recently, this has not been the case. My left shin would bother me walking around, running, even touching. Never having this extreme of a case of a shin splint, I worried my entire run that my leg might split in half and break mid-stride. This happened all the while that I told myself it wasn’t too bad and I could run through anything. Is this something that should have slowed me down? Should I have stopped? Taken days off? Or was it in my head? While I was able to talk myself into getting out to run each day, I decreased my distance and intensity while increasing icing time. It’s getting better, but still mentally hurts.

*While I write strictly about shin splints in this entry, I have the same problem with Plantar Fasciitis on my right foot.

2. Yoga- I started adding yoga into my weekly routine in order to help my flexibility. While I am much more flexible than before, it has slightly taken a toll on my running; at least an immediate toll. The days that I do yoga, my runs are substantially more of a struggle and I constantly feel the need to work much harder to maintain my stride and pace- thusly affecting my energy efficiency. But, like the injury, do I let this interfere with my motivation and running ability? Is it becoming too much that I am threatening my running athleticism for yoga? Or can I even blame the yoga for my efficiency in running? This decision needs more time, since I am relatively new to yoga.

3. Diet- I live by a strange dieting regimen; semi-healthily (but lazy) during the week, awful on weekends, and snacking 24/7. Weekends consist of at least 3 fast food meals, while the weekdays consist of either pasta or some sort of frozen food. I don’t have the diet that many athletes would deem appropriate; but to many people that are just looking at me(not meant in any cocky way), I “have nothing to worry about.” O-contraire, mon-frère! It worries me to a semi-large extent. No matter my shape or fitness, it is unhealthy and affects my running. This is why I have tried on a number of occasions to give up fast food (and have done so successfully) for a period of time and have just been defeated on my first detox attempt. Of course, my mistakes in the detox led to the defeat (making exceptions such as coffee, etc), but still trying to run despite the obvious lack of energy sources even further defeated my runs, and thus, my motivation.

While the typical tone in many of my posts have been optimistic and motivating (at least I hope so), I hope that this honesty still motivates, but also makes running and exercising more realistic. Often times we get into this dream bubble that nothing can stop us and nothing will bring us down (this often happens after a PR in a race or a great workout). And worst of all, we all at some point deny that we are ever vulnerable or experience any doubt in our running. But of course, I speak for myself…